Can CCTV cameras be integrated with other sensor technologies for enhanced security solutions? If so, how?

ME: Bagel’s estate is basically worthless anyway. Turns out that he only owned the topsoil, so he doesn’t have the rights to all the priceless rubies in his vault.

MICHAEL: Rogert, Rogert. I love your jokes but you can’t go around saying shit like that in public places, they are going to arrest you eventually.

ME: Hold on, I gotta go steal the footage real quick.

Porsche Still Offers The Single Greatest And Possibly Most Excessive Feature In All Of Automobiles - The Autopian

RUTHSKI: Both.

RUTHSKI: Round one. First move, Jeeves.

MICHAEL: To one thousand posts!

Is there a stereotype that South Indians are physically strong and muscular compared to other regions of India?

ME: Thanks Michael, you really saved my ass back there. I’m glad you picked up on my hint.

Michael slams the table and laughs uproariously.

MICHAEL: No.

How could Trump, with his deplorable garbage supporters, manage to win an election?

ME: I really like this beer.

ME, CLEARLY IN EARSHOT OF THE BARTENDER: Michael, can you buy me a beer?

MICHAEL: Aren’t you still working on that degree?

Why do most men who date ugly women brag like it's some big accomplishment, when any guy can pull an ugly woman?

[POST COMMENTED UPON BY QUORA MODERATOR MICHAEL. COMMENT: What great night out. Can’t wait for the next one, Rogert.]

RUTHSKI: The state requires that I properly officiate any duel that takes place on my premises. That being said I fucking hate all of you excluding of course Mister Downey Junior because this shit is losing me money by the second because I guess you had to settle this on a three-day weekend.

MICHAEL: Are you on Quora on your phone right now? You need to pay attention, this is important.

Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?

A chime heralds the opening of the saloon doors, and two figures there stand. One, a man no taller than 5′11″ with unblemished milky skin that gives way to what will in a few years time be a balding scalp, but which for now stands as a luscious mane of whiskey-tinted hair. A pair of round spectacles frame his emerald eyes, perched upon his angular nose. The creeping five o’clock shadow and a slight sheen of sweat from hours of walking give him the look of a rugged workman that he probably doesn’t deserve, given his line of employment. Slung over his shoulder is a sweater, long since removed under the sun’s heat, revealing a well-ironed navy blue button-up. A nice pair of slacks and some slick brown Oxfords complete a look that’s probably too good for this night out.

MICHAEL: Please stop telegraphing all the crimes you commit. Also, stop committing crimes. It makes you look like a bad godparent.

There’s no need to integrate shit - they already capture everything. What, you don’t believe me? You want proof? Me and my buddy Michael went to the bar last night and the cameras totally captured all the craaaaazy shit we got up to. Here, let me spend several hours painstakingly transcribing all the footage that I illegally acquired from the establishment in question.

How do I convince my husband that a threesome is okay?

ME: I make my best posts when I’m drunk.

ME: $100

RUTHSKI: It’s been your turn this whole time. Go.

Can women learn to squirt?

RUTHSKI: I -

MICHAEL: Yeah, I think they have beer here.

The two clink their beers together.

I’m British and I'm hella bummed about it. Wish I was American or even Canadian, ’cause let’s be real, Canada’s gonna end up part of the States anyway. What should I do?

MICHAEL: Oh yeah you’re right, it is one hundred. Good honesty.

ME: Can I have another beer?

ME: Shit

Why do black people prefer thick, curvy women?

I guzzle some more amber ambrosia from my pint glass.

JEEVES, WHO RUDELY KEPT TALKING EVEN THOUGH I INTERRUPTED HIM: - of words!

JEEVES: Ready.

Swimming world body to banish athletes and supporters of doping-fueled event in Las Vegas - AP News

A look of abject horror is written across the man-mountain’s face.

RUTHSKI: Trichel you clearly have no fucking idea how advertising works. You picked like five different things half of which aren’t even products sold by corporations. War bonds are shit sold by the government and take like ten years to pay out and don’t give sponsorships. Pepsi probably wouldn’t appreciate you saying to drink until you die and I have no idea what that hundred dollars shit was about or why you kept doing that motion with your arms. I have never seen such a poor performance in any competition ever before. You have completely and utterly lost this stupid duel.

JEEVES:

Trump leans on GOP senators as they gear up to make changes to his domestic policy bill - CNN

MICHAEL: If anything, you seem more sober now than when we walked in.

JEEVES: Did you know that they’re not even publicly traded, Rogert? They have no incentive to grow their profits! None whatsoever! I, JEEVES, am fully shareholder accountable! And with the power vested in me by my 7.9% amortized annual returns, I challenge you to a duel -

ME: Uh no, I was lying about that part to make myself feel better. Uh. One second

What is the XXX XXX Keerna Kappor video?

We showed up and I asked for a Peoria Sidecar. The painting of a bartender was so offended it kicked us out and we had to go find a new bar. We had to go to another city - that was the last bar in my hometown that hadn’t banned me yet.

ME: Ok.

THE SERVER, NAME STILL UNKNOWN: Here you go.

If a non-LGBT man (of any age) from a Western country attracts far more mosquitoes than potential dates, what does that say about him?

MICHAEL: Rogert, are you sure? You’ve somehow managed to down like five beers during the course of this conversation, despite the fact that the server only brought over one bottle.

RUTHSKI: No.

ME: Hooray! I won! Bartender, a beer one more, and on the house if you please!

Meta found 'covertly tracking' Android users through Instagram and Facebook - Sky News

Right next to him is me.

Just then, at the eleventh hour, while Jeeves was distracted saying his own name, Michael slides the owner a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

RUTHSKI: Jeeves wins.

Hello,hope y'all doin good, i came to Quora to share my strange story , a very weird one , a story when luck smiled at me ,maybe u will enjoy it , let's begin,have fun... A year ago ,I was a real porn addicted(btw I was 18) ,but never had sex before, I don't have a gf I didn't try to find one even ,always thinking to go to find a sex worker but then I just don't , everyday watching different bodies getting fucked and everyday enjoying. One day, I was watching porn, a big ass lady with big boobs ,just after seeing her the image of my female cousin poped in my mind, (let's introduce her : she's 35 years old , very big ass , nice boobs ,not very big but nice,always wearing tight clothes , she's divorced ) and I thought of me fucking her ,I never had sexual desires for her but now I do days went by and when I met her I was so horny ,I couldn't stay with the family cz my penis was clearly erected , I realized this is my first time I get horny for one of my family ,it not illegal in my country.well to make a long story short( if u want details just text me I will tell u 😊),I decided to give her signs that I want to fuck her,finally I decided to have sex and with my cousin , I thought it is the best beggining for me, i started touching her when I came across her in a narrow place , make her feel my hard cock when we hug , I thought it will hard and I will be ashamed but no , I felt nothing and she said nothing , probably she thought it was by mistake,anyways, I decided then to talk with her about sex, waited for her to be alone in a room and talk with her, I confessed everything about me watching porn and addicted..etc,she said it's normal and u are growing up and u must have sex,well at that time I was like whaaat????? Well I didn't control myself and asked her for sex ( horny like I Ve never been before) she said that she will think Abt it ,2 weeka went by then she called me ,telling that she reserved a room in a hotel and we meet tonight ,we met,and bruuhh, sex is great , I mean, I had to find a pirstitue ,what I was waiting for to have such a feeling ????, I will never forget that night, I started kissing her she was kissing hard ,she misses sex so bad , she sucked my dick and swallowed my semen ,I felt I'm in a dream , then when fucked ,her ass was very big and the anus was open ,didn't struggle to get my hard cock inside it , she was obviously missing sex , she was shouting ,fuck me yh fuck me , I go fast after every word until I cum , we did that 3 times , then we went to her pussy , using condoms I fucked her so hard the moans were higher , everything was perfect ,in the end I asked her to lick her body , licked pussy ,ass, boobs,then she sucked my cock until we sleeped ,all I know that she was dirty ,well before even having sex with her I knew she is an open minded woman , and a woman that looks that she donesnt know anything , but she knows everything, but never expected having sex with her ,well she was horny and that helped...but no one of us regretted that sex ever.. We still have sex from time to time ,and I started having sex with sex workers , joining threesomes..etc If u want pics of her text me.

ME: Holy shit, it’s Jeeves!

MICHAEL: I just finished buying you a beer. You still owe me like 90 bucks.

MICHAEL: Not sure how you just said that but I appreciate the sentiment. How about you? How are things going with Rouge? The late Thomas Bagel’s estate? Sorry for your loss, by the way.

MICHAEL: That’s a mighty injustice, Rogert. Why haven’t you hired a lawyer to take care of it?

MICHAEL: Please don’t tell me you’re still doing that - that makes two people you’ve gotten kicked out of that program in this exact manner. I’m still kinda mad about that by the way, but I guess it worked out since I went to an actual college afterwards.

ME (To the server): One beer, please!

JEEVES: Rogert Q. Bagel. You-

JEEVES: Rogert Trichel Bagel. You have wronged me for the last time. Back at 7 (Place of Learning) I let you walk all over me. But I thought, at least you were supporting my venture - my website - my AskJeeves.com, where anyone can ask me anything and receive a 100% accurate and factual response! But as soon as that little mom n’ pop $2 billion internet startup Quorat or whatever entered the scene, you abandoned me.

Another beat passes, more awkwardly this time.

OPEN SCENE: Dusk is just painting the sky. The bar, one ‘Ruthski’s Finest’, is crowded with mingling couples and a smidgen of lonely singles. An artificial rustic atmosphere is established by a Chekhov’s gun tastefully placed on a mantle above a faux-hearth. Three servers cruise around the room, assisting patrons and pouring beers - which is to say, assisting patrons BY pouring beers.

JEEVES: The all-new Dyson Hypervac sports a slick ergonomic grip, improved reach, and a powerful 1kW engine that will remove every speck of dirt in your home guaranteed or your money back.

JEEVES:

JEEVES:

RUTHSKI: Okay I’m cutting you off now.

ME: I’m not joking.

ME: (Ignoring Michael’s little question): He got booted from the program because they assumed he cheated off of me, rather than the reverse which actually happened. Also he’s from AskJeeves.com if that wasn’t clear, he looks a lot different than he used to. I guess the camera subtracts 3 feet or whatever.

MICHAEL: What does a duel of words actually entail?

The real, unpainted wait staff are escorting all the mundane patrons out of the establishment, in keeping with what they have just been informed are traditional duel regulations. Along the walls, tables and chairs are neatly assembled, leaving only a narrow aisle of open space. With the gibbous moon’s light cut off by the thick curtains, the room is now lit only by the real fire in the faux hearth.

RUTHSKI: Holy shit shut the fuck up all of you. I’m going to give my judgement now.

MICHAEL: Is that all you have to say? We’ve been walking through the desert for like eight hours because you got kicked out of the last damn bar back home.

JEEVES:

JEEVES: Yes.

A slight smile cracks Michael’s visage.

ME: Oh ok, I’m still down. As the challenged, I choose…mmm…..here, and … in six years!

ME (TO RUTHSKI, IN A SHOW OF PROFOUNDLY BAD JUDGMENT): I’m gonna sneak behind the bar and steal one.

MICHAEL: Who?

RUTHSKI: Trichel wins. Jeeves, as you have lost a duel of words, you are heretofore permanently silenced.

ME: That doesn’t make any sense. Change your verdict now

ME: Well yeah. How else are we gonna get back home they don’t have Uber out here

RUTHSKI: Are you done yet?

ME: Yeah sure.

ME: Woohoo!

MICHAEL: What?

YOU: What a great Quora post! *upvotes*

RUTHSKI: Contestants, to your positions.

JEEVES, DISTANTLY:

A beat. At this hour, the low din from the bar’s customers is only rarely interrupted by a passing vagabond or vehicle.

JEEVES: I’m Jeeves.

The stars shine down on this 3/5 drinking establishment. The TV screens now display an agonizingly long game of Monopoly between 16 participants, each held there by the promise of the grand prize: The real life Broadway St.

MICHAEL: Yeah, we know.

MICHAEL: This is grotesque. This is truly horrifying.

MICAHEL: You hated Rouge?

Ruthski furiously stamps out the fire and turns on the fluorescent lights.

ME: I like Quora. I don’t want just to ask questions. I want to answer them.

JEEVES: Simple. We use the only meaningful metric for an online poster: Ability to shill for big corporations.

MICHAEL: Get him a Trinity Trust, it’s his favorite. A PBR for me please, thanks.

ME: Okay I’m ready

MICHAEL: Thank you.

ME: Ready, your honor.

ME: Just wait and see, Michael. I’m gonna winner.

ME: Can you buy me another beer?

ME, NOT REALLY CARING: Ok.

Another chime heralds another figure in the doorway. A 7′10″ beast of a man barely squeezes through the doorway. A pitch-black anchor tattooed on his forehead fails to distract from the big mean face he’s putting on. Inscribed on his leather jacket is what we can only assume is his name and title: JEEVES.

MICHAEL: Not a problem, buddy. You do have to pay me back, though.

ME: From the beers or the duel?

ME: $100

ME: You know, I should have advertised an Eraserh-

MICHAEL: Don’t, Rogert. Not tonight.

ME: To one thousand more, my actual friend!

ME: No need to apologize, I fuckin hated them both. Bagel put me in charge of this estate and now I got all this damn paperwork.

ME: I am a lawyer, and I’ve got a plan to take care of it: Kill all the other guys with chainsaws

MICHAEL: Seriously, stop saying that.

ME: I love beer.

ME: Hold on I’m doing something

ME: Okay.

The two sit in a comfortable silence as they wait for their beers to be delivered. Large television screens across the establishment broadcast entirely too many angles of the same low-stakes professional billiards match. The last vestiges of sunlight have just died outside, giving way to the cover of darkness.

RUTHSKI: Round one. Trichel’s move.

MICHAEL: All right then. Is there anything else you want to say before we leave CCTV range?

MICHAEL: Yeah, we got that.

An air of tension lies thick in the deserted saloon. The moderator sits on his high stool, worried for his friend. The dishonored answerer waits for the verdict with a cruel smile on his face. The actor reclines in the corner, enjoying the show. The former peanut is obviously trying to find a way to steal a beer from behind the bar. The proprietor gather his thoughts.

ME: Purchase pepsi buy soda drink soda until you die Get more soda in you do it now some eggs too but MOSTLY, principally, the pepsi scratch the eggs

JEEVES: I don’t want to wait that long. I want to do it now.

ME: I accept!

MICHAEL: They’re doing great, Rogert. Cleo’s just got her first tooth, and Junior’s almost walking.

RUTHSKI: Okay you’re banned. Get out.

MICHAEL: Have you thought about what your one-thousandth post is going to be, Rogert? I’m honestly a little confused as to why we’re celebrating before you’ve actually done it.

MICHAEL: Can we talk now, please? I know you don’t like speaking while not being recorded.

ME, TO MYSELF: That sponsorship was so boring. I’m sure to win!

MICHAEL: You know what? I’d walk another 8 hours in the desert for you, Rogert.

JEEVES: I’m Jeeves.

ME: Buy —→ War Bonds ←— Purchase —→ Pepsi, Perform the stock market ‘short’ operation upon the —→ Silver, Gold, Cadmium, AskJeeves. —-> —-> → $100.

ME: I cheated off of him on my final exams whilst I was getting my Master’s in 6, down at 7 (Place of Learning)!

OPEN SCENE: It is eleven A.M. The bar, one ‘Pub de la Ocho’, is populated almost exclusively by men who seem far too old to be alive, let alone drinking by themselves at this hour. A painting of a bartender sits behind the bar, apparently doing a good enough job.

JEEVES: I’m Jeeves.

The hostess approaches us and brings us to one of those super tall tables with the annoying stools. I wanted a booth instead, but Michael’s too much of a punk-bitch to say no. I wanted a booth.

ME: 👍❤️❤️

Ruthski’s Finest is once again bustling, the clientele slightly confused and greatly inconvenienced by the recently concluded spectacle. Ruthski sits in his office, a stiff drink nearly empty on his desk. Jeeves looms near the hearth, more still than the toxic polystyrene ashes, silent as he shall be ever more. Framed by a window just barely in view of the camera which recorded all these events, two figures sit on the curb. Lilies bloom around them, bizarrely implying they are going to die somehow, even though that makes no sense.

RUTHSKI: What the fuck? Who lit a fire? That’s not a real fucking hearth you idiots it’s all polystyrene.

Five souls remain in the bar: Jeeves, Michael, Me, Ruthski (The guy who owns the bar, in case you forgot since that was namedropped way back in like Act 1), and Robert Downey Jr. Mr Downey Jr. wasn’t part of the proceedings obviously, but he asked to stay very nicely and Jeeves assented, so for the rest of this post assume he’s in the corner.

ME: Do you think they have beer here? I want a beer.

ME: It’s Trichel now.

RUTHSKI: No, I already said I’m cutting you off.

THE SERVER, NAME UNKNOWN: Uh, what kind?

ME: I have a few ideas. But that’s enough of that business shit, how are my godkids doin’?

Then Jeeves, quick as lightning, slaps me across the face with one of his leather biker gloves.